We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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