It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i think i just lost a toe
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize