He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
