I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
