I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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