The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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