So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
