I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
