The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
