first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize