I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
