Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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