Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
40s are totally the cure
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
