We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
