You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
