i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
