So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
