And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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