32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
