im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize