If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
