I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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