Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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