just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
