u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My friends, they love my intelligence
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
