One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am available for nakedness
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
