Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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