I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
