I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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