I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
