Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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