Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
