South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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