I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize