you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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