So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
