My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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