I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
