The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Boobs are out for the taking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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