id be glad to
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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