Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
