Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
