So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my being single is dangerous.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
