Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My vagina just recognized that song.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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