I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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