so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
