He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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