I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
