I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize