I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
