Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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