my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
