The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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