put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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