so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the liver wants what the liver wants
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
