I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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