Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
