i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize