I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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