Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
