I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize