Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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