His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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