i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
