chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
