from now on my penis is your penis
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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