I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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