Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't notice because vodka
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How does one acquire holy water?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize