Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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