I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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