I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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