walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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