i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
