I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
