My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
